Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize