Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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