my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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