Betty ford says i'm here all night
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
