I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
