We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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