i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize