i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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