Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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