I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize