I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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