Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
