I just pynch a tree in the face
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
only you would photoshop your dick
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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