Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
