Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
