i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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