Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
