Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
