I just saw a hot homeless man
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize