When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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