I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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