dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
