At least make sure they are 18
Why
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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