so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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