I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
