my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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