I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
