I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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