what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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