Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
