Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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