who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
