but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize