they need to just BURY HIM!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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