Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
