so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
