Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is Oprah even human
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
