Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
