My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
