very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
