i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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