is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
