does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
