My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
