We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
