best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
