You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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