please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize