Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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