Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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