two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
