I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
