Soap is not a condiment
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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