So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You dont lie about slip and slides
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
