she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
