I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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