Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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