you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
