dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize