no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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