i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
