He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
