Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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