I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
