I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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