explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
