He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize