I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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