I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
