please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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