it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize