I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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