You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
