You work out of a Hotel?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
