Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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