he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
